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| Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view https://www.mlbppworld.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=4646 |
Page 48 of 54 |
| Author: | Paul McCartney15 [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 8:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
Player Update Paul: I'll take you to a real cool club now. Let's go. They drove back into town and stopped in front of the pharmacy. John: Hey, what the hell? Paul: I need to pick up my athlete's foot medication, but the pharmacist is all scary and whatnot. He's real old and stuff and has wooden teeth. Chris: Fine, we'll go in. They reached the front desk. Paul: I'm here to pick up my prescripti-Helloooooooooo. Azul: Uh, Paul, your pharmacist has boobs. Paul: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Mark: Jorkins, shock. Jorkins shocked Paul which seemed to wake him up. Pharmacist: Yes, you're the athlete's foot guy. Paul: Oh, so you know my name. I would too if I were you. I'd be all like, hey beutiful nice to meet me let's go on date sex marriage baby carriage. You know, wining dining all that. But I'm not you, 'coz if I was I'd be fondling those perky little- Pharmacist: *stares* Paul: -uh... Eyes. Yeah. You have beautiful blue eyes. This is what really offended the pharmacist. The pharmacist had Max Scherzer eyes. That means each eye is a different color. Neither of them were blue. One was green and the other was hazel. However she had red contacts in both to look intimidating to people like the Stranglers while her scary boss was away. This didn't seem to work so she gave Paul roofies instead of his medication, a fake number and a recommendation and directions to a fake club. This club was called The Paul: Playhouse. I like it. Sounds sexy. They all left. Except Keith who had gotten lost in the pharmacy. There was a big sign on the mansion. Happy Birthday Timmy! John: Sweet! A birthday party. Paul: And that means there will be girls. They walked around back and saw your average childhood birthday party. They saw The Playhouse. Azul: Sweet, a bouncy house! Azul went into the bouncy house that looked fit for a hobbit. Paul: I've been played! Little kid: Who are you guys? Mark: I'm Mark and these are my team mates. What's your name? Little kid: Timmy. Mark: I hope you don't mind us crashing your birthday party. Timmy: I don't so long as you brought me a present. You see, I love onions, but no one else seems to. I was dejected because of the lack of onions in my life. My family took note of this and got me nothing but onions for my birthday. I got 42 onions for my birthday. The Stranglers were all in tears. Some because of the onion story, some because of all the onions around and a few were crying because they realized that they'll never find true happiness. Anyway, back to the important stuff. Mark: I would love to give you a present, but I didn't bring anything. Is the gift of our love enough? Timmy: That's what they said when I complained about onion number 33. Paul: *whispering* Let's get out of here before anything bad happens. The Stranglers ran out leaving Azul in the collapsing bouncy house. George: Well, THAT was a close one. Timmy: I agree. Chris: What are you doing here?! Brian: I adopted him. Mark: Adopted him?! You kidnapped him! Brian: Nuh uh, it's not kidnapping if the kid isn't against it. Timmy: Yeah, I wanna live with Brian. Mark: I'm sorry, it just doesn't work that way. Jorkins: Yes it does, sir. Brian is the father. Mark: Oh, okay then. THE END The Writer: Ha! That should do the trick! Consultant: What? The Writer: I just gave my log the Cousin Oliver syndrome. Consultant: That sounds dirty. The Writer: No! Not that. The cousin Oliver syndrome is when a series shoehorns in a cute little kid to boost ratings. Consultant: That won't work. The Writer: It has to. How else am I going to keep up with the storylines of the Gunmen and the Knights? Consultant: No, it won't work because the audience can't see the cute kid or hear him say cute things. The Writer: !!! Consultant: Sir? The Writer: Dammit! Now I'm going to have to kill of the kid! Consultant: Or just shoehorn in a reversal The Writer: Good idea! Jorkins: Looks like I was wrong. Brian, you are not the father. Timmy go home. Timmy: Okay. Jorkins: Now I will pick the next club we go to. To be continued.... Dish, you now pick the club that the players go to next. |
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| Author: | dishnet34 [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 8:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
Sweet. I think they should go to a player's club or something like that. I don't have a real good idea right now, but I think you can work around that, right? |
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| Author: | Paul McCartney15 [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 9:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
dishnetkid wrote: Sweet. I think they should go to a player's club or something like that. I don't have a real good idea right now, but I think you can work around that, right? Yeah, I got it. Expect the return of Evil Albert Pujols and Rotten Chris Carpenter. |
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| Author: | BrewersFuzz [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
Do you do cocaine before writing this? Because I've never used cocaine but I'd imagine this is what comes out of the brain of a person who does.  And I love it!  Keep it up, this story is definitely up there with the Knigjts and Gunmen.  Too bad Brian couldn't keep Timmy... 
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| Author: | Zumikaku [ Sun Jul 07, 2013 11:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
It's so... gloriously random! I love it! 
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| Author: | detroittigers15 [ Mon Jul 08, 2013 12:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
Paul McCartney15 wrote: Neither of them were blue. Laughed out loud at this part. |
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| Author: | Paul McCartney15 [ Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:36 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
Game Update Today the Stranglers faced off against the New York Mets. The pitching matchup was Yu Darvish versus John Maine. Let's see how the Stranglers fared against their division rivals. No runs were scored in the first two innings, but you could tell John Maine wasn't comfortable against the Stranglers lineup. In the third inning, the Stranglers came through with a two run home run by Kennedy. After that Ryan Howard and Mick Jagger hit back to back doubles. The score was 3-0 going into the top of the fourth. The Mets had sent nine players up to bat and all nine went down. Luis Castillo then reached with an infield single. Rafael Furcal caught a hanging curve and smashed it getting a triple. Carlos Delgado flew out to right, but it was deep enough for the Mets to plate Furcal tying the game up. In the sixth inning, Keith Richards hit a solo home run to take the lead. It was smooth sailing for the Stranglers after that as they tacked on two insurance runs in the eighth with Ryan Howard hitting a home run and John Lennon hitting an RBI single. Yu Darvish pitched eight innings while collecting nine strikeouts, but did give up three runs. Brian Wilson got the save, but did make it interesting after hitting two people in a row and loading up the bases. Final Score Scranton: 6 New York: 3 WP: Darvish (1-1) LP: Maine (0-2) Save: Wilson (2) MVP: Richards |
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| Author: | AgentP [ Tue Jul 23, 2013 2:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
"game update" what is this madness |
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| Author: | kjthegreat2001 [ Wed Jul 24, 2013 3:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
Yes. Gunner fits his team's name and he can have a dangerous personality. |
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| Author: | Paul McCartney15 [ Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
kjthegreat2001 wrote: Yes. Gunner fits his team's name and he can have a dangerous personality. Oh, haha. Guess I should take that poll down. I'll get him in sometime. Anyway, thanks for the response and for reading the log. New update almost done. |
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| Author: | Paul McCartney15 [ Wed Jul 24, 2013 11:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
PLAYER UPDATE Mark: Okay this is getting borderline illegal. Jorkins find us a club. Jorkins: A "please" would be nice. Mark: You're a computer. Jorkins: Maybe, so, but I'm not a slave. Mark realized he had been taking Jorkins for granted lately so he got all sad and gave a speech about friendship. We had to censor it though because it featured graphic nudity from John. Jorkins: Well after that, I'll find the best club ever for you guys. There is an MLB players club in Philadelphia. The password is Bohemian Rhapsody. You have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody. They went to Philadelphia. Chris: I wonder why we haven't been invited to this club. Paul: We've won the World Series two years in a row. I think they're jealous. Mick: And because we're kinda douchey. Chris: Well this is a chance for a new start. They knocked on the door and delivered the best rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody this side of the Muppets. Derek Jeter: Come on in guys, that was beautiful. The Stranglers went in and everybody stared. Ichiro ran up to the microphone. Ichiro: Okay, I know this is a bit of a downer, but try to have fun despite our little problem. Otherwise it would be letting the Stranglers win! The guys were a little reassured, but the mood was killed. David Ortiz walked up to them. David: Alright, you guys found us. Same rules on the baseball field apply here. And by that I mean the unwritten rules. You get hit in the head and have a very serious injury don't complain about it. No showing anyone up because they might be your teammate next year. Oh, and everyone hates you here. Including me. Have fun! Mark: I really wonder why everyone hates us. I'll try to clear everything up. Mark stepped up to the mic. Mark: Hey, guys. I just feel like I should clear the air. Just because we won two championships doesn't mean you have to hate us. Miguel Cabrera: Typical Strangler. Always so arrogant. Brian: Yeah these guys suck! John: Brian! Brian: I'm trying to look cool. The beardless me gives me a chance for a new start. John: Well it probably doesn't help that we wear our uniforms everywhere we go. Mark: Okay Jorkins, we need to find out why everybody hates us. Jorkins: It seems as though there is a Scranton Stranglers website that badmouths all of the other 29 teams in the MLB. Mark: Who's writing it? Jorkins: It says by the Stranglers on the front page, but as I dig deeper it becomes quite clear who is behind this. Albert Pujols and Chris Carpenter. Paul: Oh, God no! Not you two. Albert Pujols and Chris Carpenter were the bartenders at this club. Albert: Well well Chris: Well. Look who Albert: It is. The Scranton Chris: Stranglers. The team: ... Albert: What you guys didn't like that? Chris: We've been planning it for months. Paul: Well it was really *(censored)* lame. Albert: Watch your mouth, Paul. Or we might just have Big Papi beat you up. Pablo: Guys, does anyone even remember how this fight got started? Chris C. : Yes! It was when you guys were playing in St. Louis and you had a picnic at the arch and we got in a fight and the next you guys beat us. Chris: Really? That's what happened. Lame. Albert: Well, we're willing to let bygones be bygones and give you guys drinks on the house. John: Let me guess, you put something in our drinks. Albert: No. We just want you to be happy. Chris: Yeah, right. Let's go guys. Ryan: Hey it's Justin Verlander. I love that guy. Mick: You love a pitcher? Ryan: Hey, if we didn't have pitchers I wouldn't be able to hit home runs. Justin Verlander was sitting at the end of the bar visibly drunk and visibly texting Kate Upton. This was visible because it was being projected by Lance Berkman. Justin: U wre so wrng 2 break up wit me Veronica. Justin: Hey Albert! Another round! Albert: I'm cutting you off, J! Justin: I wanna take the screwball challenge. Chris C. : No way! You don't have a chance. Justin: That's what all the scouts said to me. Albert: You know what? I don't care. One screwball coming up. Ryan: What the hell is a screwball? Chris C. : It's a pitch, dummy!!!! Hahahahaha! Albert did you hear that? I just burned him! Ryan: ... Chris C. : Ugh. I you must know. It is a drink that knocks you out. The challenge is how long it takes to knock you out. The record is 13 by Vladimir Guerrero. Justin chugged the drink and was out in a flash. Albert: That's a half second. Miguel Cabrera: Hey that's a new record, for him at least. Miguel proceeded to take Justin's place at the bar. Albert: Hey I thought you were JV's designated driver? Miguel: Oh, Justin can drive. Believe me, I've driven much much more drunk before. Ryan: B-but he's passed out. Cue Wacky comedy horn! New Scene Chris (K) and Pablo were walking through the bar on their way to the bathroom. ???: I wouldn't go in there. Chris: Well do you not have to go to the bathroom? 'Cause that would be a good reason for not going in there. ???: Call me Street RiffRaff. I live on the streets except for when I'm not. Then I live in the shadows with my cowboy boots. Anyway, I was saying I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Pablo: And why not? Street RiffRaff: They're shooting steroids. You don't wanna get hooked on that. I've been down that road before and it is not a game you want to play. Chris turned on the lights and saw who the person really was. Chris: ...Wait. You're Dustin Pedroia. You couldn't possibly have done steroids. RiffRaff (Way cooler name than Dustin) : Oh, believe me. When I was in High School, I wanted to be an actor. Not like a pretty boy actor like DiCaprio or Peter O'Toole. No, I wanted to be a REAL actor. Like Sylvester Stallone. So I was on steroids, but I never got that big break, so I just got off steroids and played baseball. Not the best decision I've ever made. Chris: That's a weird story, Dust- RiffRaff: Call me Street RiffRaff! Pablo: Well, uh, we're gonna go now. New Scene Mark Prior was very sad because everyone hates his team. Adam Wainwright: Hey, Mark. Why the long face. Mark: Oh nothing. I just don't get why everyone hates us. Adam: Don't worry about my team mates. They're just misunderstood. Kind of like you guys. Mark: Thanks Adam. Adam: Bring it in buddy. Adam and Mark hugged and Adam ran away. Mark: What a nice g- Hey where's my wallet?! I had My last three paychecks in there!!! Alex Rodriguez: Hey man I got your wallet back. Mark: What? Um, thanks. Alex: No prob, buddy. Hey, I put in my last three paychecks. Mark: Uh, thanks. Look it's quite obvious you're trying to trick me too. Alex: No, no. I'm really a nice guy. Mark: But all the news people say you're mean. Alex: I give off that impression because if I didn't they would have nothing to talk about and they would be out of jobs. Mark: And the players? Alex: They hate everybody who is awesome. Mark: So you're saying the Stranglers are awesome? Alex: Deep down, everyone is. Alex flew away playing the harp while an enchanting chorus chanted hallelujah as A-Rod flew back to his home in heaven. Jorkins: What a guy. What a guy. New Scene George Harrison was looking for any advice he could get from these great hitters. George: Hey, Cano! Robinson: Don't call me that dude! I wanna change my name to Canyes soon. Even Canmaybe works better than Cano. George: Sorry, I was just looking for advice on my swing, how do you do it man? Robinson: Well, I'm a serial killer, but my noticed it early on so he made my killing into something positive by making me practice my swing on my victims. Kind of like Dexter Morgan ya know? Anyway that's how I do it. Street RiffRaff backed out tonight so if you wanna come with me on my killing spree that's cool. I could teach you. George was on the ground in the fetal position rosary in hand shouting "I don't wanna die" while smoking several cigarettes. Last Scene Marco Scutaro: Everyone make way, make way for the Prince. Prince Fielder was being carried out on a throne made of gold wearing a crown. One would imagine how anyone could carry Prince Fielder. One's brains would explode while imagining that. Marco: For you, your highness. Prince: Eggs? Son of a bitch?! Don't you know I'm vegan you dwarf?! Marco: Well in that case I have this veggie pizza. Prince: No, no. It's already been ruined. Anyway. Let's get to the fun. We are hear for the sentencing of one Felix Hernandez for conspiring to overthrow the crown. Felix: I am King Felix! King is better than Prince! Prince: But King is not your birth name! Are you next going to tell me that Doc Halladay is a real doctor? Marco: Bad example, sir. You see, the wonderful state of Pennsylvania gave Roy Halladay his doctor's license. So he was a real doctor and did in fact play one on TV in an episode of Boardwalk Empire. Fun little fact: Roy Halladay beat out Dust- Street RiffRaff for the role of the doctor on that episode. Prince: The Prince decides that Felix Hernandez shall be decapitated. Marco: Oooooh. Good choice there, sir, can't argue with that. Felix was taken to the guillotine. Prince: Any last words? Felix: I wou- Prince: Don't care. Off with his head. The guillotine came down. It made a deep cut, but wasn't enough to kill King Felix, much less decapitate him. Roy Halladay crashed in with his flying motorcycle, crafted by his holiness, the patron saint of baseball Alex Rodriguez. Roy: *removes shades* Anybody need a doctor? It was really badass. Roy administered CPR on Felix, but as you could probably tell, he didn't need CPR, he needed a really big band-aid. The police arrived after an anonymous tip and unceremoniously stripped Roy Halladay of his doctor's license. Tears were shed. Oh, and the Stranglers were there too. THE END |
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| Author: | BrewersFuzz [ Wed Jul 24, 2013 11:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
 wtf I love it
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| Author: | philliesfan134 [ Wed Jul 24, 2013 11:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
strangely enough, I didn't get the Doc Halladay joke until a few minutes after reading.
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| Author: | Paul McCartney15 [ Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
Stranglers Hit All Time Low; Lose to D-Backs 20-8 Dark days are upon us folks. This is a world where Kennedy has only five home runs nearing the end of May, where Yu Darvish has an ERA of 4+ and can't get out of the third inning and where Ringo Starr makes two, absolutely brutal fielding errors. Yes the Stranglers can still hit they put up eight runs and were in fact only losing by two at one point. This was when the score was 7-2 in the top of the seventh and they scored three runs. Two by way of John Lennon's second home run of the game. Yes this was a bright spot in the game today, but in the bottom of the seventh Arizona scored TEN RUNS. That's right. Arizona. Third place in the weak NL West division scoring ten runs in one inning versus the mighty Stranglers. I bet you're blaming the pitchers. You should be, but don't place all the blame on them. The usually rock solid middle infield crumbled today. As I mentioned before, Starr didn't come close to living up to his name. Sanchez played wonderful defense, but couldn't buy a hit. Surprising, his contract tells me he could afford it. The Stranglers have used 11 pitchers in this series. McCartney pitched a complete game yesterday so he's off the hook. However in game one, Mark Prior, Rocky Racoon, Ronny Brewer, WildThing and Brian Wilson combined for a 12-8 loss. In this game it was Yu Darvish, Brian Jones, Echevarria, WildThing and Wilson. Who is going to come in on relief tomorrow. God only knows. Look, I'm not going to call for Pepper's head (yet) but he has to make adjustments to win this ultra competitive NL East, a division where the Braves and Mets are cellar dwellers. Yikes. Our stars have to play like the players we know and love or you can kiss a three peat goodbye. |
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| Author: | Paul McCartney15 [ Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view |
So I think I like this game update format. Have a writer say his piece about the game in what appears to be a newspaper or blog. Of course in the future I will add stats. It's just I skipped past them in this game. Anyway, tell me what you guys think. |
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