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Have you ever seen a moose or, hell, even a caribou irl?
Yes (moose) 18%  18%  [ 2 ]
No (moose 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Yes (caribou) 9%  9%  [ 1 ]
No(caribou) 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Yes (moose and caribou) 9%  9%  [ 1 ]
No (moose and caribou) 36%  36%  [ 4 ]
Undecided 27%  27%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 11
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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 6:50 pm 
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Player Update (Continued)

The gentleman returned Ryan Howard to the hotel room and set off on their quest to find a bullriding machine.

BRIAN: Guys, I actually know a guy here in LA who can get us a bullriding machine easily for free.

MICK: Free? I'm on board.

PABLO: But what's the quality like? I want my first bullriding machine ride to be mindblowing.

BRIAN: Trust me, Pabs, this is as close to a real bull as you'll get.

JOHN (to Chris): Hey you know that scar I showed you that one time?

CHRIS: John, I thought we made a blood pact to never speak of it again.

JOHN: I'm sorry, it's just... I got that scar from a bull.

CHRIS: A bull got you with it's horns... down there?

RINGO: Guys hurry up, Brian's taking us to his friend's shop.

The boys did just that and Brian was leading them to his friend's shop. Just what kind of shop was it you ask? Well, I would have Brian ask that in a bit of subtle expository dialogue, but he's busy making Pablo smell his beard right now, so I'll just tell you. Anyway, Brian's friend was Ryan Gosling. He owns a shop of all kinds of animal riding machines. It's doing great business due to bullriding machines, but the tortoise-riding machines weren't selling at all and he is beginning to think this was a bad investment. But it wasn't like Ryan could go back to making movies at the moment. He's holding out for gritty, weird indie scripts. He can't go back to starring in Nicholas Sparks adaptions with Rachel McAdams at this point. Oh shit, we missed something important! Back to the story!

PABLO: MY EYE!!! OH THE PAIN!!! I'LL NEVER PLAY THE SAME WAY AGAIN!!

BRIAN: Suck it up, we're at the shop now.

PABLO: Gee whiz!

alright it must not have been that important. my bad.

RYAN GOSLING: Brian, so good to see you! May I interest you in one of these tortoise-riding machines? They're 90% off today only!

BRIAN: Thanks, Ry Ry, but we're here for the bullriding machine.

RYAN GOSLING: Right... okay um, well. It's just I really need to get rid of these tortoise-riding machines or I might have to go back to starring in sappy romantic movies with Rachel McAdams.

RINGO: You could do a buy one get one free thing if getting rid of them is your problem.

RYAN GOSLING: That's a great idea! Buy one bullriding machine, get one tortoise-riding machine for 29.99 plus tax!!

RINGO: Uh, ok then...

PABLO: Enough small talk let's see my bullriding machine!

RYAN GOSLING: Ah yes, of course! Come to the back and I'll show you.

Chris was the cinephile of the group so he was of course in deep conversation with R-Gos about movies like Drive and The Place Beyond the Pines and what Terrence Malick was like to work with. However there was a problem. John was quick to spot the elephant in the room. Which was, in this case, a bull.

JOHN: Uh, Ryan, why is there a real bull in here?

RYAN GOSLING: I don't know, I thought you guys were baseball players. Which Bull is it, Michael Jordan?

Ryan received a much deserved blank stare.

RYAN GOSLING: Oh, you mean the bull I use to make these machines. Well, I put the bull into the bull copying machine and out comes a fake bull which allows me to give you as close as an experience to riding a real bull as possible.

BRIAN: I told you, Pablo.

Pablo was beaming, John was not.

JOHN: Chris, that was the bull that gave me the scar!

CHRIS: John, we agreed never to speak about the time you showed me the scar again and here we are speaking of it for the second time today! What is it with you?

JOHN: I need to slay it! It's the only way I'll feel complete again!

MICK: Wait, John is your scar... you know.. down there?

JOHN AND CHRIS: Exactly!

MICK: Oh, shit. A bull attacked you in the balls?

CHRIS: Gross, no! We were talking about his shin!

MICK: John, that must have killed, dude! Slay away, my man.

RYAN: No! This is my livelihood. I can't go back to rom drams and rom coms!

JOHN: Ryan, trust me this needs to be done. And plus, The Notebook had me in tears. I'd love to see you return to your roots.

John slayed the bull with horns of his own in an epic battle. Okay, no they actually just euthanized it since it was getting old anyway, but John earned horns of his own that day. And it looked like Ryan Gosling was doomed to kissing Rachel McAdams for the rest of his life, but Chris decided to buy all of the tortoise-riding machines so you can see Ryan get into gritty, arty fights for the rest of his life. Like so.


PABLO: So instead of getting the one bullriding machine we got 67 tortoise-riding machines?!

CHRIS: Yeah, our party's gonna be way more poppin' than Albert's!


TO BE CONTINUED ONE LAST TIME

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 7:13 pm 
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:lol: I have no clue how you come up with some of this stuff.

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Mon Aug 04, 2014 7:27 pm 
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BrewersFuzz wrote:
:lol: I have no clue how you come up with some of this stuff.

Thank you. I think you'll enjoy my next update.

Also, I've pretty much played through most of the season so actual game updates will come quicker now.

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 2:25 pm 
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Conclusion

Ryan Howard of course didn't want anything to do with the other players' shenanigans, so he decided it would've been a good idea to get amnesia so as not to feel left out.

RYAN: Huh? ...wwhere am I? Who am I?

Ryan looked at the note the Stranglers had left behind in the hotel room.

Quote:
Hey Ryan, we're on the other side of the hotel room and you totally aren't being left out of anything. Just go back to sleep.

From, Pablo


RYAN: Who the hell is Pablo? I need some fresh air.

Ryan went down to the front desk to find out who he was.

RYAN: Uh, hello. Are you the manager here?

MANAGER: Yes, how may I help you?

RYAN: This may sound weird, but do you know who I am?

MANAGER: Uh, you're one of those guys in the Subway commercials aren't you?

RYAN: One of the guys? Well that doesn't really narrow it down.

MANAGER: Oh, look, one of your commercials is on now. How convenient.

TV: *I'm Michael Phelps and I never touch water without eating seventy hoagies from subway first.*

RYAN: That guy looks nothing like me, though.

MANAGER: Nobody looks like they do on TV.

RYAN: Really? I guess I better train for the Olympics then. Where's the hotel pool?

MANAGER: Just down the hall.

Ryan went to the pool and began training.

RYAN: This isn't working well at all. Oh, I know. I forgot to eat seventy hoagies from Subway before this! Rookie mistake, Michael.

Ryan sped over to the nearest Subway he could find.

RYAN: Hey, I'm Michael Phelps. I endorse Subway so can I have seventy hoagies for free?

SUBWAY WORKER: Very funny Mr. Howard. 70 hoagies coming up.

RYAN: That was weird. I'm Mr. Phelps.

OLDER MAN (to Ryan): Jonathan! I've been looking all over for you! You've been slacking off on your duty to spread the good word!

RYAN: Uh, are you talking to me? I'm Michael Phelps. I don't know what you're talking about.

OLDER MAN: Alright, allow me to refresh your memory. I'm Kenneth, you're Jonathan and you're my second in command at the Church of Pokemon.

RYAN: The church of Pokemon?!

KENNETH: Yes. Jonathan you remember seeing the light don't you? The Pokemon are our gods! We have to spread the good word!

RYAN: Look, I totally believe your story about seeing the light, but.... I'm Michael Phelps. I guess I could still help you though.

KENNETH: That's great Jonatha- I mean Michael.

RYAN: That's Mr. Phelps to you.

Kenneth and Ry-er I mean Jona-no that isn't right, Mr. Phelps went out to Hollywood Boulevard to spread the good word about Pikichu.

RYAN: Hi, I'm Michael Phelps. I'm here to ask you to please consider joining the Church of Pokemon.

RINGO: Ryan? I thought you were staying in the hotel room.

RYAN: Why does everyone keep calling me different names?

RINGO: Brian get over here! I think we beat Ryan a little worse than we had originally intended.

BRIAN: Ah, sweet, I've been working on my punches.

RINGO: No, this is bad! Ryan has to play in the All-Star game later!

RYAN: Look, I'll play in your little All-Star game, but I'm Michael Phelps! As soon as the Olympics roll around I've gotta hightail it out of here.

RINGO: Sgt. Pepper's gonna be really pissed.


The Stranglers played in the All-Star game, but fell to the American League; 9-6. Ichiro Suzuki was the MVP.

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:15 pm 
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You lost because you had Michael Phelps at first base. :razz:

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:20 pm 
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Alright, so starting Thursday, I'm gonna start back up with the game updates and move this season along.

Now, obviously the game updates were never my strong suit so which type of updates do you guys prefer? One that reads like an article or do you just want the score and then player stats?

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:41 pm 
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I'd just say do what's fastest, because honestly, the best part of this log is the player updates. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 2:02 pm 
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BrewersFuzz wrote:
I'd just say do what's fastest, because honestly, the best part of this log is the player updates. :lol:

Thank you. :D

Anyone else wanna add anything? Brewers isn't the only one allowed to post in this thread. :P

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 5:42 pm 
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Paul McCartney15 wrote:
BrewersFuzz wrote:
I'd just say do what's fastest, because honestly, the best part of this log is the player updates. :lol:

Thank you. :D

Anyone else wanna add anything? Brewers isn't the only one allowed to post in this thread. :P

Don't tell them that, yes I am. :razz:

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:46 pm 
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Paul McCartney15 wrote:
BrewersFuzz wrote:
I'd just say do what's fastest, because honestly, the best part of this log is the player updates. :lol:

Thank you. :D

Anyone else wanna add anything? Brewers isn't the only one allowed to post in this thread. :P


I would go with making it look like a story

But agreed, best part of this is by far the player updates. No offense to whichever henchmen you have doing the game updates.

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Mon May 11, 2015 5:13 pm 
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lol I've been getting the itch to update this again

but... my mom may have given my copy of the game to my five year old neighbor.

it could be the 2007 version, but if not I may have to steal it back cause I always thought it would be cool to finish this log. and to make my five year old neighbor cry.

EDIT: peep the new poll

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 10:01 pm 
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Player Update

It is the year 2015, a middle aged man's voice comes over the radio in the stretch limo at Scranton's airport.

ANNOUNCER: Well folks, unless you've been livin under a rock (or no one bothered to update you for the past year) The Stranglers are back in Scranton. Yes folks after three seasons in Los Angeles with varying degrees of success William Goldman has sold the team after winning the power struggle for the New York Yankees. The ownership of the Stranglers is up in the air...

PABLO SANCHEZ sits in the back of the gaudy limo, bearded and hungover. He's had a rough few weeks.

PABLO: Christ, can you turn this shit off?!

The limo is very long and the partition is up so the driver doesn't hear.

PABLO: Oh for *(censored)*'s sake!

Pablo tries in vain to block out the sound by covering his ears.

A sign reads, "Welcome Home, Stranglers!" It looks like it was made by a preschooler on a budget. A tumbleweed rolls across the city square as the once beloved Scranton Stranglers return to their home.

Chris Kennedy was the hometown boy and was the only player who remained optimistic about the situation.

CHRIS: Well... this is disheartening. No doubt about that, but it'll be great. Just like the old days!

BRIAN: I feel like we're in a dilapidated cinemaplex, watching our memories appear on screen as though we're about to pass on to the next life.

CHRIS: Brian that won't make sense to anyone who doesn't regularly whack off to philosophy 101 textbooks.

BRIAN: I'm serious guys! This isn't natural! We're not meant to go backwards. Humans should move forward in life. I can't believe otherwise or else...

CHRIS: Or else what?

JOHN: He's right, Chris. This place sucks and honestly if you're happy to be back here then I can't be around you.

MICK: Chris. Face it, we've grown apart from Scranton and we've grown apart from you.

CHRIS: Are you guys done?

The players were tired of being pessimistic and relented.

CHRIS: You guys still need a place to stay?

BRIAN: Could I actually crash on your couch? Just til I get situated here.

Kennedy's apartment looked untouched from when he last left it in 2011.

BRIAN: Jesus. You know that shit I was saying earlier? Well it's even more applicable to this apartment.

CHRIS: Yeah well I live here in the offseason dude, so that's why all my stuff is still here.

BRIAN: I was referring to the pictures of your ex-wife that you still have.

CHRIS: Brian I'm not going to listen to your gloom and doom bullshit all night so I suggest we go get pissed somewhere.

Brian had no objections to this so they went down to the bar across the street. It was an "authentic" Irish Pub that was actually just owned by people who really don't know much about Ireland. They did have a very potent drink that promised a pot of gold if you could reach the bottom of the bottle.

BRIAN: Give us that.

BARTENDER: That'll be 6.50 for the bottle.

BRIAN: What, we don't get free drinks in this town anymore?

CHRIS: You don't understand, we're Stranglers.

BARTENDER: Oh, well maybe I should call the police on that case.

It was an obvious joke, but it was lost on the two teammates who proceeded to get *(censored)* up.

*1/4 of the Way Through the Bottle*

BRIAN: I, uhh, I went out there afraid I was gonna get lost in LA like people say, but I was really just lost in Scranton, man. I was lost in baseball. I didn't know my full potential. I have so many talents.

CHRIS: Yeah... Maybe "Brian Comes Alive" and the like was the reason we couldn't get to the playoffs out there.

Brian Comes Alive is a 2013 spoken word album by Brian Wilson. It covers topics such as deforestation and the hole in the ozone layer. The like refers to other side projects Stranglers players got into while in Hollywood.

*Halfway Thru the Bottle*

BRIAN: I.. Shit. I don't think I can make it through the bottle alone Kennedy. Don't pass out on me.

CHRIS: ....

Brian got a glass of water and spilled it on Kennedy's head. This woke him up.

CHRIS: Wha..

BRIAN: I asked you a question, man. If you had the choice between havin to love with a whole race of dinosaurs in the world or just Godzilla, which would it be?

CHRIS: Uh, Godzilla. Because I feel like if he attacked it would just be like a natural disaster. Like an earthquake. Whereas with dinosaurs we would just be lower on the foodchain.

*Bottle Finished*

CHRIS: Please tell me you see that leprechaun too.

BRIAN: I think we're hallucinating bro.

LEPRECHAUN: Aye, you'll 'ave to catch me before ye get me pot o' gold.

The Leprechaun ran off and Wilson and Kennedy gave chase. He ran into the men's bathroom with the two teammate close behind.

CHRIS: He went down that hole!

BRIAN: Keep going! We need that *(censored)* gold!

Kennedy went down the hole which was actually a toilet. As he vomited in the stall, his memories flashed by him in a swirl. Brian had flushed. Kennedy saw his wife leaving. He saw himself signing a long-term contract, which had begun to feel like signing his life away. He saw the team he loved losing on and off the field. And then he had a vision.

BABE RUTH: How's it going kid?

CHRIS: Babe Ruth?! What are you doing here?

BABE: You seem like you need some guidance.

CHRIS: Well, I have been trying to fix my swing lately. Any tips?

BABE: No I mean life advice.

CHRIS: Didn't you die because you ate more hot dogs and drank more beer than the human body could handle?

BABE: That's a good point, but you just threw up in a bar's restroom after chasing a leprechaun down the crapper. That's lower than my lowest low.

CHRIS: Fair enough. So what was it you wanted to say? I think I should go back soon.

BABE: Look, your lady issues, the problems with the team, the emptiness you feel in your heart. It's all because you have a debt. When your team moved, you pissed off the baseball gods. So that's why your life sucks.

CHRIS: That isn't my fault!

BABE: Well the baseball gods have shitty accuracy. Sorry kid.

CHRIS: Well how do I fix this?

BABE: Win the World Series! How else? But it's gonna be tough. Cause the Stranglers have a curse now. So good luck.

CHRIS: Wait!

But the Bambino was gone. Chris woke up on the grimy bathroom floor with Brian passed out next to him.

CHRIS: How the hell did we end up here?

TO BE CONTINUED

---------------------------------------------

ok sorry this wasn't high on the laughs but I needed to set up some stuff after all that time passed by. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 10:12 pm 
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ayyyyyyyyy, would you look at that

now we just need PPJ to update an all the old logs will be back :}

solid update, Pauly

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 10:14 pm 
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NO WAY this log was the shiz back in the day! :D

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 Post subject: Re: Scranton Stranglers Season Log: A players point of view
PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 10:18 pm 
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Thank you both.

Yeah I had to jump on the old logs being brought back bandwagon, PPFan. ;)

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